


You'd do the same for me

by Momentsofbeing



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Mental Health Issues, One Shot, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24003313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Momentsofbeing/pseuds/Momentsofbeing
Summary: Jesus struggles with his mental health. Luckily Aaron is there to help.The Walking Dead (TV series) one-shot.
Relationships: Aaron & Jesus (Walking Dead), Aaron/Jesus (Walking Dead)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	You'd do the same for me

Jesus was struggling.

It had come upon him slowly over the past few weeks and at first he almost didn’t recognise it. He hadn’t felt like this for a long time. Finding it harder to get up each morning, and impossible to fall asleep at night. Struggling to say more than a few words to anyone, or to maintain eye contact. Zoning out throughout the day, even when the tasks he was doing were important – that was the scariest thing of all.

After a few close calls with walkers, Jesus knew he needed to sort himself out, but unpacking what was going on felt like an impossible task, let alone finding a way to deal with it. It had been so long since he'd felt this way. Back then, the world had been normal.

Everything finally came to a head. He was out on a supply trip with Aaron, whose attempts to make conversation had dwindled into silence after Jesus’s monosyllabic responses. Luckily he and Aaron knew each other well enough that Aaron didn’t take it personally, though he was definitely a little concerned.

Now they were out of the car, looking for potential sources of food. Jesus hadn’t even realised he had zoned out until he sensed the walker behind him. Fortunately his reflexes had been quick enough to stab the walker in the head before it could bite, but it shouldn’t even have been able to get that close. Jesus felt sick.

Standing, he quickly looked round for Aaron. He needed to have his partner’s back, or he was no use to anyone.

His head reeled. He had stood up too quickly. Jesus cursed himself for having not eaten much in the last few days; he hadn’t had an appetite, but he should have looked after himself better. Now he was here, with Aaron, and he was fucking useless. He couldn’t breathe and everything was spinning. In shock, Jesus suddenly realised there were hot tears coursing down his cheeks and his chest was heaving rapidly. What the fuck was happening to him. This couldn’t be happening, not here, not now.

“Paul?” he heard Aaron’s voice behind him.

Jesus didn’t say anything, holding up a hand to warn Aaron to keep back while he wiped his face quickly on his leather sleeve.

“What is it? Are you hurt?” Aaron sounded so worried and Jesus felt like such a disappointment that he couldn’t bear it. He just felt so _desolate_. Without knowing what he was doing, he dropped to the ground, head in his hands and started to cry.

“Shit,” Aaron approached Jesus where he was crouched, checking all around for walkers. What was happening? He tentatively pressed a hand to Jesus’s back before wrapping the smaller man in his arms. Jesus continued to shake, unable to get his emotions under control. Aaron kept a keen eye out all around them as he hugged Jesus, trying to push aside his own worry and fear. He had never seen his friend like this before, though it was clear something was off earlier. What was Jesus going through, to make him cry like this?

Once Jesus had managed to calm himself down he rose quickly, letting his long hair hang down over his face to hide his humiliation. Aaron moved back to give him space and for a moment neither of them spoke.

“Paul…” Aaron started, but he didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” said Jesus, wiping his eyes on the bandana round his neck and finally turning around. He felt much more grounded after that outburst, less panicky. Still humiliated that it was _Aaron_ of all people who had seen that, but grateful that he hadn’t endangered either of their lives with his poorly-timed breakdown.

“I don’t mind,” Aaron responded, holding eye contact with Jesus. “I just hope you’re okay. You know you can talk to me anytime. About anything.”

Jesus nodded, giving him a genuine but embarrassed smile. Aaron stepped closer and hugged him for a long moment. Jesus breathed in deep to Aaron’s neck, glad for his presence. Then he pulled back. “We should probably keep moving.”

They didn’t talk about it again until they were back in the car and sat in a comfortable silence.

“Does that… happen often?” Aaron asked, trying to sound casual.

Jesus was silent for a minute, looking out the window. “No,” he said quietly, “not for a long time.”

There was more silence, but Aaron sensed that he should give Jesus the chance to collect his thoughts.

“When I was younger,” Jesus began, haltingly, “it happened more. I think I was twenty or so when it started…”

“I’d been seeing this guy. It was the first time I thought I might have something… someone who cared about me. I didn’t really have a home, so we moved in together. Things were good for a while. Then he…” Jesus sucked in a sharp breath. Aaron couldn’t take his real hand off the steering wheel so he placed his metal hand over Jesus’s where it lay in his lap, hoping it conveyed what he wanted it to. Jesus smiled and gently stroked the metal fingers.

“Sorry. I don’t… ever really talk about this stuff.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” said Aaron.

“No, its okay. I want to. We were… he… well, he started to get… frustrated with me. He wanted everything from me… and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. It got physical. I had the advantage when we fought, of course, but I didn’t want to hurt him. He took advantage of that. He manipulated me. It wasn’t till I was a long way out of it that I saw what a toxic relationship it had been.” Jesus paused, collecting his thoughts. Aaron wished more than anything that he could move his metal hand.

“When this was all happening, I started to feel… low. I couldn’t get out of bed. Couldn’t concentrate, or pay attention to stuff. Sometimes I cried for hours for no reason. I just felt hopeless. It made our relationship even worse. He thought I was weak. I couldn’t even look after myself, let alone stand up to him. He went even further, forced me… to...”

Jesus stopped. Aaron pulled the car over on the highway and turned to him, taking Jesus’s hand properly. He realised Jesus was shaking.

“Paul… I’m so sorry.”

Jesus smiled wearily and Aaron was blown away by how beautiful he was, with his wind-swept hair and sad eyes. He felt terrible as soon as he thought that. Paul needed a friend right now.

“It’s okay,” Jesus squeezed Aaron’s hand back. “It doesn't matter now. It was a long time ago. I still get that way sometimes, though. I’m sorry you had to see it.” He sat back, letting go of Aaron’s fingers and biting his lip. “I can’t believe it happened here, today. I could have put us both in so much danger.”

“It’s really okay,” Aaron reassured him, “I had your back. You’d do the same for me.”

Jesus smiled at him. “Yes, I would.” His eyes flashed down to Aaron’s lips.

The snarl of a walker in front of the car interrupted them. Aaron started the engine and drove straight into it, sweeping it aside with the front of the car. When he glanced back across at Jesus, their eyes met and for the first time in a while, Jesus felt a flicker of hope.


End file.
